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« ’Not For Sale’ | Main | Chasing the Rainbow »

February 02, 2009

There Is More Than One Way to Get to Heaven

Clouds In a recent Pew Forum poll, 65 percent of the respondents believed there was more than one way to get to heaven.

I now have irrefutable proof that they are right. Where did I find this proof? Why, on that bastion of truth, the Internet. The one invented by Al Gore, who tells the truth no matter how inconvenient.

You can go here to reserve your own spot in heaven . . . . .but you’d better hurry. According to this site the place is filling up fast.

They claim, “It is now possible to enjoy your sin filled life and buy your way into Heaven." All you have to do is go to the website and for a mere $15.95 (plus $2 for shipping) you can purchase the “All Access Travel Kit,” which includes:

  • "A heavenly issued certificate of reservation registered in the Book of Light™
  • "A First class ticket to Heaven. Why walk those stairs when you can fly?
  • "The Official Heaven Identification Card (laminated) so you can get around without getting hassled.
  • "Heaven 101 mini informational guide. Don’t be a victim of culture shock. Get acquainted with the land.
  • "All access VIP pass (laminated). This pass will grant you access to “VIP exclusive areas” including the Land of Milk and Honey and Thug Mansion, where all the elite get together and kick it."

No walking that long stairway to heaven for you, no studying your Bible or having a Biblical worldview. Who thought it would be this easy?

Does this mean that if Christ only had a laptop and access to the Internet He could have avoided all that suffering?

But how do I know that this is real, you may ask? Because not only is it on the Internet, but they give you a guarantee: “We offer our 100% money back guarantee on all of our packages. If for any reason you do not make it to Heaven then we will refund your money with no questions asked. Don’t worry though - we are confident you will make it.”

There you have it! The easy way to heaven. Now where do I go to cash in my Bernie Madoff Hedge Fund shares so I can purchase my own kit?

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Comments

Catherine

I've seen this before...I think they called them indulgences then. I wonder what the price comparison would be.

joel

I'm assuming you saw the disclaimer:

"This site was made to be humorous gag gift and should not be taken seriously. We in no way can guarantee someone entry into Heaven. In fact, we have never been to nor are we affiliated with Heaven. It is all part of the story that goes along with our product so please don't take us seriously. If the time came though for someone to go and they had purchased a kit and they in fact did not get into Heaven and they contacted us somehow, then we would surely still honor our money back guarantee. We do really send you travel kits as described and pictured, though, so you actually get something. The term 'Heaven' as mentioned on our products and website is in no way affiliated with any religion. We are not singling out, mocking or making fun of any religion. We respect peoples beliefs and do not mean to offend anybody and are sorry if that happens."

...though I'm guessing they didn't really bother thinking much about that last part. :P

Dennis Babish

Joel,
I really didn't think they were serious.
If you notice this article is in the category Humor.
The sad part is their disclaimer.
It tells you where we are when you have to apologize if you offended anybody for trying to be funny.
Everyone needs to learn how to laugh again.
Unlike them I am associated with Heaven as I view it as my eternal home.

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