Take a teen romance that's simultaneously vapid and dangerous, strip away what little personalities the characters had, ramp up the violence and throw in a gratuitous underwear scene, and you've got Twilight the movie.
As with the book, it's hard to tell which is more of a concern, Edward's stalker-like tendencies or the way in which he and Bella are incessantly portrayed as just a little bit better than the yahoos around them (the same kind of thing that bugged me years ago about the two self-centered brats at the center of Titanic). The movie plays this up even more than the book did. The kids and some of the adults in Bella's town and school are portrayed as inane to the point of brainlessness. By contrast, there's a breathless focus on every word that Bella and her vampire lover utter, as if pearls of wisdom were dropping from their lips. This focus is accompanied by constant, huge closeups of their every facial expression, to the point where the viewer is seriously afraid of disappearing up Bella's nostril.
This treatment makes even less sense than it did in the book, since there's absolutely nothing that sets these two apart as characters. If you were asked to list their defining qualities or behaviors, aside from Edward's magical vampire powers, you could use one hand and still have a couple of fingers left over. Edward still plays the piano, but movie Bella doesn't even cook anymore, and her love of reading disappears entirely, apart from a one-second shot of a "Reading Is Sexy" bumper sticker pinned to her bulletin board. In a way it's a relief to be spared Bella's reflections on great literature, which were always about as deep as a mud puddle, but that leaves her with no hobbies at all other than listening to her iPod and dreaming about Edward. So there's no real reason for either of them to think of themselves as, or to be treated as, superior beings, unless gazing goopily at each other across the school parking lot as drippy rock anthems blare from the soundtrack is supposed to count as some kind of talent.
I was completely unable to hold back the giggles at highly inappropriate moments, such as when Edward revealed his sparkly self in the sunlight -- looking more like a human disco ball than anything -- and followed it up with an anguished "It's the skin of a killer!" By the mercy of God, however, I was spared death at the hands of outraged fangirls. (There were an awful lot of them for a school morning. This thing is going to make major bucks.)
As a side note, the trailers at my showing included some for particularly nasty-looking horror movies that I wouldn't think were appropriate for high school girls. But then, as you know, I don't really think Twilight is either.
If you've seen Twilight or other recent movies, share your thoughts here!
