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« RE: Humble Heroes and a Cold Case File | Main | Boys can be boys »

June 26, 2007

Have sex, but please, try not to fall in love

Chastity is one of the most (if not the most) counter-cultural aspects of the Christian life, and it's getting stranger and stranger as the years go by. (It's always been strange, by the way--that whole "well, in biblical times it was expected" argument is just plain not historically correct, not in cities like Corinth where prostitution was a form of worship. But that's a topic for another post.)

What's hit me lately, though, is a subtle shift of our thinking about sex and love. I was reading one of Peter Mayle's light novels not long ago, and thought, Wow, it took them four dates before sleeping together. Then I realized it had been published ten years ago.

The thinking used to be, if you love someone, why not have sex? It's a genuine expression of that love. The thinking now is, sex is just physical--so go ahead and have sex, but please, try not to fall in love.

Gina wrote about the one-night stand in Knocked Up, which I haven't seen, but this idea is everywhere--from Grey's Anatomy, where it's clear that a mid-afternoon romp in the storage closet does not entitle a girl to expect dinner, to movies like Something's Gotta Give, where Jack Nicholson's character explains to Diane Keaton's character that he's just not good at monogamy, so she really shouldn't expect anything from him--besides the sex, that is. Or The Holiday, where Cameron Diaz takes to bed a drunk stranger who shows up at her door (okay, it's Jude Law, but still...), promising him first that she won't fall in love.

I guess I just hadn't realized that the thinking had shifted so much. I don't mean this as a judgmental bad, bad Hollywood thing (I think those who don't share our faith have little motivation to pursue chastity), but it makes me think...

It's a man's world.

I cringe for our daughters growing up in this environment.  What kind of emotional wreckage does this kind of thinking create?

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Personally, i believe it is how you perceive yourself as to how you perceive your body and therefore sex. I find with friends that people who have less self-confidence are quicker to have sex than people who value who they are.


I am equally dismayed at the not-so-serious nature in which sex is approached "these days" (though, a part of me starts to feel old when I begin hearkening back to the good ole days that are actually probably more nostalgia than anything).

Physical intimacy can be a beautiful and binding force in a relationship ... I hope that people don't cheapen it by attempting to separate the physical from the emotional from the spiritual. I wonder if that's truly possible.


A man's world?

Where'd that snide remark come from?

How does this benefit males, the more romantic and less practical gender?

Feminism has become law. Don't blame the men. When men were in charge, you didn't have this sort of thing.

Thiess Christian Miles

I have learned to view sex, sexuality , intercourse and all things through God's word, which is infallible. I have tried life my way. I new I was wrong. I had to accept my guilt or my sin nature and my choice to sin against God. But God has designed sex between opposite sexes within a marriage to be and bacome way more than just a physically satifying momentary action. The presence of God is here with you and your marrital partner when you both submit to God in a sacred sexual God honoring touching, expression, comforting, nurturing communion.

I hope many of you wil begin to entertain sex differently than ever before and know there is more to life and sex than you know, have experienced or think apart from God through Jesus. Our thought are established by God when we commit our ways to Him. The word tells us to seek first the kingdom of God and God's righteousness, then all these things "needed and desired" will be given unto us. We have to change. God has to change us with our cooperation, even about sex.

Thiess Christian Miles

Sex as sport, common non-discriminating can be deadly; seperate us from God as sin will do and also anything done common enough, casual enough looses its value. Just as many partners diminishes our appreciation and numbs our excitement, intensity, value for the thing no longer done in modest proportion or rarity, so sex looses its intended value, purposes and quality. Sin seperates from God, sin causes disfigurement according to the word of God.

Trey Gregory

Someone has made the point elsewhere that in particular, the entertainment complex represents a gay man's world: opportunistic encounters are OK; emotional attachment is discouraged; etc.

It's Elton John's "Yellow Brick Road."

Turn off your TV; filter your movies; read to your kids, and be selective about that.

Lori Smith

Forgive my delay in responding to these comments. I didn't mean to endorse this way of thinking. As followers of Christ, we need to submit to him in this area of our lives as well, which means pursuing chastity. I honestly believe this is the best way for us to live, it's just in this sex-saturated world it is difficult and completely counter-cultural.

And about it being a man's world, I was thinking about that old saying that men give love to get sex, and women give sex to get love. Well, now it seems there's a lot of sex without a lot of love, which seems just what many guys have been hoping for.


"Someone has made the point elsewhere that in particular, the entertainment complex represents a gay man's world: opportunistic encounters are OK; emotional attachment is discouraged;"

Excuse me? I am a gay man and that is not my world. Please be aware of the hurt that your broadsided smears cause to fellow Christians and children of God.

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