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May 18, 2007

New Business: Carbon Debits!

I've got the perfect website for those of you who scoff at the "carbon credit" business and wish to sell bridges to their customers: CarbonCreditKillers.com.

Their mission is as follows:

We are on a mission to take away every one of Al Gore's meaningless carbon credits by simply providing carbon debits. Help us make this dream a reality by purchasing one of the packages below. Don't let Al Gore assuage his guilt with meaningless penance, heap it back on with carbon debits – every one of which we will let him know about.

Customers purchase "carbon debits" from CCK which they dedicate to Al Gore or any other "friend" whom they wish to enrage. Their means?

Making a carbon debit is a delicate matter taking both skill and time. Our carbon debiting process starts with our FECON spinning shredder and a driver who has vendetta against trees. Add any tree and about 20 seconds and a carbon debit is born!

The photos have to be seen to be believed, by the way.

Anyone appalled by CCK's business really shouldn't sweat it. Brandon Monahan at CCK responded to my story-behind-the-story inquiry as follows:

Well, specifically we have contracts to clear trees through the Game and Fish department. Their logic is that clearing them makes the antelope less skittish and therefore they reproduce more. Basically, that is our real job…

Well, I for one -- having enjoyed a good laugh -- appreciate Brandon's other job quite a bit.

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