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« Practical Justice: What Can I Do? | Main | Who needs Charlton Heston when you’ve got this guy? »

February 23, 2007

Will I Have to Kiss Her?

I was having a good day. I'd just put the finishing touches on a particularly dense and complicated BreakPoint piece. As has been the norm lately, my Capresso/DeLonghi/Trader Joe's combination had produced a latte that was as good (if not better) as what you can get at *$ for pennies.

Then I read this and my wa vanished.

Chimpanzees living in the West African savannah have been observed fashioning deadly spears from sticks and using the tools to hunt small mammals -- the first routine production of deadly weapons ever observed in animals other than humans . . .

Using their hands and teeth, the chimpanzees were repeatedly seen tearing the side branches off long, straight sticks, peeling back the bark and sharpening one end. Then, grasping the weapons in a "power grip," they jabbed them into tree-branch hollows where bush babies -- small, monkeylike mammals -- sleep during the day.

It gets worse: the spear-wielding chimps are women and they appear to like it.

"It was really alarming how forceful it was," said lead researcher Jill D. Pruetz of Iowa State University, adding that it reminded her of the murderous shower scene in the Alfred Hitchcock movie "Psycho." "It was kind of scary."

Psycho? Think Planet of the Apes! Yesterday, rocks and excrement. Today, females with sharp sticks. Tomorrow, who knows? Blunderbusses? There's a clear threat to our way of life here and I say let's not wait until there are reports of Senegalese chimps looking to purchase Yellowcake from Niger. I say destroy their habitat now!

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::: laughing :::


If we don’t destroy their habitat now, we better start learning the Chimpanzian language and negotiate a non-lobotomization treaty. As a manly-man, I say we follow Taylor’s (uber-male Charlton Heston) lead; he only needed three things to fight the simian hordes: a gun, a horse, and Nova. It couldn’t get any simpler than that.

I loved that movie growing up. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planet_of_the_Apes_%281968_film%29


Not the first, Chimps have been known to fashion termite-fishing tools for decades.

And a crow in New Caledonia also makes stick weapons for stabbing grubs hiding in cracks, to fish them out and eat them.

Better learn to eat crow. ;-)

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